the_debt_of_time

Sirius looked up in surprise. "You went nineteen years? Wait, so before you married
my cousin, the last woman you were with was.. ."
"The only other woman I've ever been with," Remus replied.
"Holy shit."
"Are you done with your pity party yet?"
Sirius thought about it for a second and then shrugged. "Not entirely. Just taking a
moment to celebrate yours with you."
"I'm not the one pitying myself," Remus insisted with a chuckle. "I have a fit wife
due home any minute. In fact, I'm not entirely sure why I'm still lounging around with you
instead of waiting for her."
Sirius tugged at the silver chain around his neck.
Remus sighed at the sight and stopped laughing. "Pads.. ."
"The last time I was with her I was almost twenty. I was in prime condition. Not
covered in scars and wrinkles and grey hair."
"You don't have grey hair."
"It's likely on its way," Sirius muttered petulantly. "How do you keep the
wolf.. ." he tried to speak but the words caught in his throat. "It's been so long, and
Azkaban broke me. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her."
Remus frowned at him. "You're not a monster, Sirius."
"Neither are you."
"So they say."
"The last time I was with her, I was a kid. I was an Auror, well-respected," Sirius
said and, at Remus's raised eyebrow, he corrected, "slightly respected. I'd only ever killed
one person and that was in the middle of a battle. Now.. ." He sighed and ran a hand
through his hair. "I'm tainted and broken, and I'm afraid if I touch her I won't be able to
stop, and I'll.. ."
Remus stood up and walked over to sit down beside his friend, placing a hand on
his shoulder. "Sirius, Mia loves you. I can see it in her eyes. I saw it in her eyes years ago
when she took me down into that Pensieve. She watched the memory of you, this you," he
said, gesturing to Sirius, "with the same look on her face that she had any time you'd walk
into the common room."