the_debt_of_time

of her shattering. She relished the muffled sound from his lips that he cried into the crevice
of her neck as his body went rigid above hers.
It was easy. Being with Remus was easy. It was a dance that she knew all the steps
to. A song where she knew all the lyrics. He was Hogwarts, A History, and she had
memorised every single word of him—could see every page behind closed eyelids.
My heart. My heart. My heart.
Her soul protested.
The moment she came down from her high, reality flooded back. Somehow, the
intense physical pleasure she had brought her walls down for, left her open and vulnerable.
Unable to stop herself, Mia burst into tears.
Remus reacted immediately. Pulling away from her and looking down into her face
with guilt, he gasped. "Mia? I didn't mean to... Are you okay? I'm so sorry if I hurt
you.. ." He tried to apologise, but a look of confusion crossed his face when she shook
her head and tried to snuggle further into him.
"Mia?" he asked, clearly worried. "What did Sirius do?"
She could not tell Remus the reason she was really crying. She had been upset at
seeing Sirius kiss another girl—or as he claimed, another girl kissing him. She had been
angry over their fight and bitter about the way he always treated whatever relationship they
had with such frivolity, but she was not angry with him.
She was angry with herself.
It was easy to be with Remus in this time, to be open with him, because she had his
letter to guide her. A letter where he begged her to not blame herself for what the future
had in store. Remus did not blame her for not changing the outcome of the war. He did
not blame her for not saving his friends. He did not blame her for leaving him alone for
decades.
It was hard to look at Sirius and see the pain he was quietly suffering through
because of his family. He was already turning cold and hard, and anytime he pulled away
from her, closed himself off from her, all she saw was a stoney, angry face. Waxy skin,
sunken eyes, and the long, matted hair of escaped murderer, Sirius Black. The man she met
in the Shrieking Shack all those years ago.
By not changing the future, she would leave Remus alone, and he forgave her for
it.