Chapter Fifty-Three
Silencing Charms
Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
(Fuckin' Perfect - Pink)July 30th, 1976Though Mia swore she did not regret sleeping with him, Sirius could not help but
berate himself for hours over the fact that he crossed the line he swore he would never
cross without being absolutely certain he could: no sex; that was his rule with Mia.
He had craved her for so long, and she was already there when he woke up from
his nightmare, sitting on his mattress, smelling like a rainstorm, and looking like she had
the ability to heal not only his external wounds but everything inside of him as well. She
was perfection, and it made him angry that he could not be the same for her. Something
dark inside of him wanted to take that perfection from her—the something inside of her
that made her good, while he was worthless. So, he tried taking it the only way he could,
by kissing her rough and hard and putting all of his anger and resentment toward the world
into that kiss.
That kiss had triggered something else; the wall he kept around himself to hide his
emotions, to keep him strong enough not to touch her, came crumbling down. Like an
addict, he was in a frenzy to have as much of her as he possibly could.
It had not been until she touched his head that the reality of what he was doing
flooded him. That simple touch had been his absolute undoing; it reminded him of the first
time she ever touched him on the Hogwarts Express. They had been eleven, and she gave
him affection in ways he had never known before. He had hidden behind his walls then, as
well; because, for the first time in his entire life, Sirius Black felt properly cared for. All
because of the simplest touch of a bushy-haired girl.