piña colada will get you to your ten. But then it’s a second piña colada, and
then a third, and then . . . well, you know how this turns out: you wake up
with a hangover and are at a three.
It’s like Einstein once advised, “Never get wasted on cocktails with sugar-
based mixers—if you need to go on a bender, may I recommend some seltzer,
or if you’re a particularly rich fuck, perhaps a fine champagne?”
Each of us implicitly assumes that we are the universal constant of our
own experience, that we are unchanging, and our experiences come and go
like the weather.^12 Some days are good and sunny; other days are cloudy and
shitty. The skies change, but we remain the same.
But this is not true—in fact, this is backward. Pain is the universal
constant of life. And human perception and expectations warp themselves to
fit a predetermined amount of pain. In other words, no matter how sunny our
skies get, our mind will always imagine just enough clouds to be slightly
disappointed.
This constancy of pain results in what is known as “the hedonic
treadmill,” upon which you run and run and run, chasing your imagined ten.
But, no matter what, you always end up with a seven. The pain is always
there. What changes is your perception of it. And as soon as your life
“improves,” your expectations shift, and you’re back to being mildly
dissatisfied again.
But pain works in the other direction, too. I remember when I got my big
tattoo, the first few minutes were excruciatingly painful. I couldn’t believe I’d
signed up for eight hours of this shit. But by the third hour, I’d actually dozed
off while my tattoo artist worked.
Nothing had changed: same needle, same arm, same artist. But my
perception had shifted: the pain became normal, and I returned to my own
internal seven.
This is another permutation of the Blue Dot Effect.^13 This is Durkheim’s
“perfect” society. This is Einstein’s relativity with a psychological remix. It’s
the concept creep of someone who has never actually experienced physical
violence losing their mind and redefining a few uncomfortable sentences in a
book as “violence.” It’s the exaggerated sense that one’s culture is being
invaded and destroyed because there are now movies about gay people.
The Blue Dot Effect is everywhere. It affects all perceptions and
judgments. Everything adapts and shapes itself to our slight dissatisfaction.
And that is the problem with the pursuit of happiness.