greater destruction upon the world than anything else seen in human history.
He predicted that this destruction would not be limited to national borders or
different ethnic groups. It would transcend all borders; it would transcend
country and people. Because these conflicts, these wars, would not be for
God. They would be between gods.
And the gods would be us.Pandora’s Box
In Greek mythology, the world started out with only men.^17 Everyone drank a
lot and didn’t do any work. It was one big, everlasting frat party. The ancient
Greeks called this “paradise.” But if you ask me, it sounds like a special kind
of hell.
The gods, recognizing that this was a fairly boring state of affairs, decided
to spice up the situation a bit. They wanted to create a companion for
mankind, someone who would command the men’s attention, someone who
would introduce complication and uncertainty to the easy life of shotgunning
beer cans and playing foosball all night.
So, they decided to create the first woman.
For this project, every one of the major gods helped out. Aphrodite gave
her beauty. Athena gave her wisdom. Hera gave her the ability to create a
family. Hermes gave her charismatic speech. On and on, the gods installed
gifts and talents and intrigues into woman like apps in a new iPhone.
The result was Pandora.
The gods sent Pandora to earth to introduce competition and sex and
babies and arguments about the toilet seat. But the gods did something else,
too: they sent her with a box. It was a beautiful box, embossed in gold and
covered in intricate and delicate designs. The gods told Pandora to give the
box to men, but also instructed her that it could never be opened.
Spoiler alert: people suck. Somebody opened Pandora’s box—surprise,
surprise, the men would all blame the woman for it—and out flew all the evils
into the world: death, disease, hatred, envy, and Twitter. The bucolic sausage
party was no more. Now men could kill each other. And, more important, now
men had something to kill each other for: women, and the resources that
attracted women. Thus, began the stupid dick-measuring contest also known
as human history.
Wars started. Kingdoms and rivalries arose. Slavery happened. Emperors
started conquering one another, leaving hundreds of thousands slaughtered in
their wake. Entire cities were built and then destroyed. Meanwhile, women