his loyalty--it was one of the things she loved about him. She just
worried that Buddy was taking advantage of him. He acknowledged
that Buddy could be a "user." By identifying the issue for what it was-
-a perpetual problem—and agreeing to work on it with Kara, Tim
had effectively accepted her influence. They each became better able
to see the other's perspective. In the end they agreed that Buddy
could continue to use their living room as a crash pad, but less
frequently than before.
It took getting to the heart of a perpetual problem before Tim
was able to accept influence from his wife. But in most cases the key
is just for the husband to be open to sharing power with his wife,
then to get plenty of practice doing so. A husband can start by taking
the quiz below, which will give you a sense of how skilled you
currently are at accepting your wife's influence. There's no reason
why wives shouldn't take the quiz as well, since the more open to
influence you both are, the smoother your marriage will be. Then
work through the fun exercises that follow. They will help you hone
your ability to share power.
Accepting Influence QuestionnaireRead each statement and circle T for "true" or F for "false."
- I am really interested in my spouse's opinions on our basic issues. T F
- I usually learn a lot from my spouse even when we disagree. T F
- I want my partner to feel that what he or she says really counts with
me. T F - I generally want my spouse to feel influential in this marriage. T F
- I can listen to my partner, but only up to a point, T F
- My partner has a lot of basic common sense. T F
- I try to communicate respect even during our disagreements. T F
- If I keep trying to convince my partner, I will eventually win out. T F
- I don't reject my spouse's opinions out of hand. T F