- How much irritability or anger did you feel?
a) A lot
b) Some
c) A little
d) None - How much irritability or anger did your partner feel?
a) A lot
b) Some
c) A little
d) None - Did you both feel included?
a) Not at all
b) A little
c) A reasonable amount
d) A great deal
Scoring: Give yourself one point for each "a" answer, two points for each
"b" answer, three points for each "c" answer, and 4 points for each "d"
answer. Tally your score.
If your final number is over 24, you're doing a good job of accepting
each other's influence and working together as a team. If you scored 24 or
below, your marriage needs further work in this area.
If you're having difficulty accepting influence, one of the best
things you can do for your marriage is to acknowledge the problem
and talk with your spouse about it. Nobody can change old habits
overnight. But if you're able to take responsibility for the parts of
your marital troubles that are caused by your difficulty with sharing
power, that in itself will be a major leap forward for your marriage.
Your spouse is likely to feel a great sense of relief and renewed
optimism about improving your marriage. The next step is to make
your partner an ally in your crusade to overcome this problem. Ask
her (or him) to gently point out to you instances where you are being
unwittingly domineering, defensive, or disrespectful.