feelings, and mem- cries. In other words, reality is subjective, which
is why your partner's perspective on the argument may be different
from yours without either of you being right or wrong about what
really happened.
It's natural to make the fundamental error of believing that the
fight is all your partner's fault. To break the pattern, you both need to
admit some role (however slight at first) in creating the conflict. In
order to do that, read the following list and circle all that apply to
you and that may have contributed to the argument. (Do not try to do
this until you have calmed down physiologically. Follow the steps for
self-soothing on p. 176 and then let go of thoughts that maintain the
distress: thoughts of feeling misunderstood, righteous indignation, or
innocent victim hood.)
- I have been very stressed Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
and irritable lately - I have not expressed much Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
appreciation toward my
spouse lately - I have been overly sensitive lately Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
- I have been overly critical lately Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
- I have not shared very much Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
of my inner world - I have been depressed lately Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
- I would say that I have a chip Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
on my shoulder lately - I have not been very affectionate Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
- I have not been a very good Yes,Definitely Maybe A little
listener lately - I have been feeling a bit like Yes, Definitely Maybe A little
a martyr
Overall, my contribution to this mess was:
How can I make this better in the future?