Most likely if you're grappling with a solvable problem, following
these steps will lead you to find a reasonable compromise. Once you do,
try out the solution for an agreed-upon time before revisiting it and
deciding if it's working. If it's not, begin the process again and work
together to resolve it.
From time to time it's a good idea to recharge your
compromising skills by focusing together on solving a problem that
is not related to your marital issues. What follows is a fun exercise
that will give you practice in coming to consensus decisions by
working as a team and giving and accepting influence.
Exercise 5: Paper TowerThis exercise is especially fun to do with other couples. Consider
having a paper tower party or contest where each couple is a separate
team. You can take turns being builders and score keepers.
Your mission: Build a free-standing paper tower using the
supplies listed below. The goal is to build the highest, most stable,
and most beautiful tower you can. You may have very different ideas
about how to go about this, so remember to work out your
differences of opinion using the compromise approach described in
this chapter. During this exercise try to be a team. Try both to give
and to accept influence. Include your partner. Ask questions. Take
about half an hour for this task. The finished product should not
adhere exactly to either of your visions but should include both of
them.When you're finished, have a third party (or another couple)
score your tower. No doubt the scoring will be highly subjective since
it values creativity more than engineering prowess. But your final
score is beside the point, which is to have fun building your tower
together. When you're finished you'll have created a monument to
your marriage and your enhanced compromising skills.
Supplies
I Sunday newspaper Crayons
Ball of string Colored cellophane