Seven naslovi

His mother looked highly offended. She got teary-eyed and
made a bit of a scene. (David let his father deal with that.) But it was
worth it to David to see Janie look so happy and triumphant. In the
end, David's message was loud and clear: She comes first, Mom. Get
used to it. "That's when our real marriage began," Janie recalls.
"When he let his mother know that I was now first in his heart."
An important part of putting your spouse first and building
this sense of solidarity is not to tolerate any contempt toward your
spouse from your parents. Noel and Evelyn's marriage was heading
for disaster until Noel learned that lesson. After their son was born, it
was very important to Noel that his parents view him as a good
father. Although he was a very busy lawyer and didn't get to spend
much time with the baby, every other weekend he would bring the
baby with him for a visit with his parents, who lived in the next
town. This gave Evelyn some desperately needed time to herself.
Often Evelyn would join them at the end of the day. From the
moment she entered the house, she felt like an outsider, as if she had
been cut out of the baby's life. Noel's parents pretty much ignored
her. They'd make a big fuss over the baby and go on and on about
what a great father Noel was. At times they were even sarcastic
toward Evelyn--issuing snide comments, for example, about the fact
that she was still nursing the baby at six months. Since Evelyn knew
that Noel wanted her to wean the baby, she suspected that Noel was
complaining to his parents about her behind her back. In our
laboratory we helped the couple talk about this issue, and it turned
out she was completely right. In an effort to impress his parents, Noel
was sacrificing his "we-ness" with Evelyn by badmouthing her.
Once Noel realized that his need for his parents' approval was
playing out against Evelyn and their marriage, he was able to change.
He began to spend less time at his parents' house with the baby, so
that his parents saw their grandson mostly when they were on
Evelyn's home turf. When his mother expressed concern that the
baby wasn't getting enough to eat, Noel piped up that Evelyn had
just taken him to the pediatrician, who declared him perfectly plump
and healthy. When his father suggested that the baby needed a
heavier snowsuit, Noel told him that Evelyn was the mother and
knew better than anyone else what was best for their son. At first