buys security Balancing these two economic realities can be work for
any couple, since our feelings about money and value are so personal
and often idiosyncratic.
I find that solvable financial differences are usually the
province of newlyweds rather than longer-term couples. That's
because as a marriage goes on, these issues either become resolved
successfully or develop into perpetual problems about money's
symbolic meanings. However, long-term couples may also find
themselves facing a solvable money issue as their circumstances
change. Differences of opinion over job changes, financing the
children's education, planning for retirement, and caring for elderly
parents are common sources of friction in mid life.
Solution Some clearheaded budgeting is called for. Below are some
simple steps you can take to get a handle on how much you'd like to
be spending--and on what. Keep in mind, though, that managing
complex financial matters is beyond the scope of this book. If you
need extra help with financial planning and investing, you'll find
plenty of resources at your local library or bookstore. In particular I
recommend Get a Financial Life by Beth Kobliner (Fireside Books,
1996) and Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki
Robin (Penguin, 1992). What's most important in terms of your
marriage is that you work as a team on financial issues and that you
express your concerns, needs, and fantasies to each other before
coming up with a plan. Make sure you don't end up with a budget
that forces either of you to become a martyr. This will only build up
resentment. You'll each need to be firm about items that you consider
nonnegotiable.
Step 1: Itemize Your Current Expenditures
Use a form like the one that follows to record how you have spent
your money over the last month, six months, or year, whichever is
most appropriate to your situation.You may be able to do this just by
reviewing your checkbook and credit card statements.