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Principle 6:Principle 6:Principle 6:Principle 6:
Overcome GridlockOvercome GridlockOvercome GridlockOvercome Gridlock
You want to have children, he doesn’t. She wants you to attend
church with her, you’re an atheist. He’s a ho,ebody, you’re ready for
a party every night. If you feel hopelessly gridlocked over a problem
that just can’t be solved, it can be cold comfort to know that other
couples handle similar conflict with aplomb, treating them the way
they would a bad back or allergies. When you’re gridlocked, trying to
view your differences as a kind of psychological trick knee that you
can learn to cope with may seem impossible. But you can do it.
The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem, but
rather to move from gridlock to dialogue. The gridlock conflict will
probably always be a perpetual issue in your marriage, but one day
you will be able to talk about it without hurting each other. You will
learn to live with the problem.
To navigate your way out of gridlock, you have to first under-
stand its cause. Whether the issue is momentous, like which of your
religions to pass on your children, or ridiculous, like which way to
fold dinner napkins, gridlock is sign that you have dreams for your
life that aren’t being addressed or respected by each other. By dreams