clutter more than once a week. But if he doesn't deal with it by then,
she will pile it up and put it all on the floor of his home office.
Ongoing conflict: She will always hate clutter, he will always hate
orderliness.
Couple 2
Gridlocked problem: Very different comfort levels with expressing
emotions
The dreams within the conflict:
Hers: Being emotional is part of her self-identity and part of what
gives meaning to her life.
His: He sees being emotional as a weakness.
Nonnegotiable areas:
Hers: She cannot stop reacting with great passion to life.
His: He cannot become a highly emotional person just to please her.
Areas of flexibility: They both accept that their spouse cannot
change a basic personality trait.
Temporary compromise: They will be respectful of each other's
difference in this area. He will be receptive to her need to talk about
and share feelings. She will accept when he cannot do this.
Ongoing conflict: They will continue to have very different
approaches to expressing emotion.
Couple 3
Gridlocked problem: He enjoys spending time with other people at
parties, while she wants him to stay with her.