"But he always said it in a way that let you know he was very proud
that we were like that." Kevin told Helen how that perspective had
infused his own adulthood--from his insistence that they make large
charitable contributions to the size of the Christmas tips he gave out.
That conversation marked a turning point in Kevin and Helen's
marriage. From then on they talked frequently about values like
loyalty and generosity that had been instilled in them by hearing
family stories as children. Over time, as they heard each other's
family stories and passed them on to their children, each other's
stories became their stories, too--the stories of the new family that
they had created. Helen accepted and incorporated the stories and
values of the Mona hans that were important to Kevin into her own
life, and he did the same for
her heritage.
As I said, the more shared meaning you can find, the deeper,
richer, and more rewarding your relationship will be. Along the way
you'll also be strengthening your marital friendship--as emphasized
in my first three principles of a happy marriage. This in turn will
make it even easier to cope with any conflicts that crop up. That's the
beauty of the Seven Principles. They form a feedback loop that
ensures that as you work on each principle, it becomes easier to work
on the others.
Shared Meaning QuestionnaireTo get a sense of how well you and your partner create a sense of shared
meaning in your lives together, answer the following questions.
Your Rituals of Connection
- We see eye to eye about the rituals that involve family dinner times in
our home. T F