and children, would gather together, the bride and groom seated in
the middle.
As a youngster, Jesse would roll his eyes and think posing for
the photo was a big joke. But when he fell in love with and married
Amanda, the ritual of the Feld man Photo took on a new meaning for
him. Suddenly he was the groom sitting on the chair surrounded by
his family. Now every time he looks at the Feld man Photo in his own
wedding album, he feels a sense of pride and connection, knowing
that Amanda has really joined his family This feeling has been
reinforced over the years, every time he attends another Feld man
wedding and he and Amanda pose along with the rest of the clan.
Rituals don't necessarily have to derive from your respective
childhoods and family histories. You can create your own. New
rituals might come from a sense of what your family lacked. If you
wished your family had gone on outings together on the weekends,
you may want to incorporate that into your weekly routine. Or if you
wish a bigger deal had been made out of the spiritual side of
Christmas, you may decide to attend Midnight Mass together every
year.
Sometimes rituals that don't seem quite so momentous can be
important for a family Nick and Halley for example, always celebrate
family birthdays by baking a cake together. This ritual started when
their son, who was then a toddler, was allergic to eggs, so they were
unable to buy birthday cakes at the bakery Over the years their son
got over his allergy, but the family ritual remained because it had
become meaningful to them. It gave them a chance to come together
and celebrate their family and the birthday in a very quiet, homey
way
Exercise 1: RitualsIn the following exercise, create your own family ritual of
connection by talking about what you want. Discuss what these
rituals (or lack of rituals) were like for you growing up, what the best
times and the disasters were like for you. Then "script" your ritual so