the magic five hoursWhen we followed up on couples who attended our Seattle
workshops, we wondered what would distinguish those couples
whose marriages continued to improve from those whose marriages
did not. Would we find that the successful group had dramatically
overhauled their lives? Far from it. To our surprise, we discovered
that they were devoting only an extra five hours a week to their
marriage. Although each couple had their own style of spending
these extra five hours, some clear patterns emerged. In general, what
these couples were doing was giving their marriage a concentrated
refresher course in the Seven Principles. The approach works so
phenomenally well that I've come to call it the Magic Five Hours.
Here's how you can do it, too:
Partings. Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning
you've learned about one thing that is happening in your spouse's life
that day--from lunch with the boss to a doctor's appointment to a
scheduled phone call with an old friend.
Time: 2 minutes a day x 5 working days
Total: 10 minutes
Reunions. Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the
end of each workday (see page 87).
Time: 20 minutes a day x 5 days
Total: 1 hour 40 minutes
Admiration and appreciation. Find some way every day to
communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your
spouse.
Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days
Total: 35 minutes
Affection. Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other during the time
you're together. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep.
Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have