things. Praise the world. Appreciate your own breathing, the sunrise,
the beauty of a work rainstorm, the wonder in your child's eyes. Utter
some silent words of thanksgiving (to no one in particular) for these
small wonders in your day. This will begin to change your focus on
the negative.
Step 2. Give at least one genuine, heartfelt praise to your spouse
each day for an entire week. Notice the effects of this exercise on your
partner and yourself. If you are able, extend the exercise one more
day. Then add another day. Extend the exercise to others—for
example, to your children. When you meet someone new, look for
what is special about this person. Appreciate these qualities.
Remember, this all has to be genuine and heartfelt. Don't be phony.
Notice these positive qualities. Enjoy them. Try to tell people what
you notice and genuinely appreciate about them, just find one thing
for each person. Ignore the shortcomings.
As you stretch the period of thanksgiving one day beyond a week,
and then another day, and then another, you'll receive a great gift:
You will begin to forgive yourself. Grace and forgiveness will enter
your world. This is what the spiritual "Amazing Grace" is all about.
You begin to enjoy your own accomplishments, rather than consider
them inadequate.
One of the most meaningful gifts a parent can give a child is to
admit his or her own mistake, to say, "I was wrong here" or "I'm
sorry." This is so powerful because it also gives the child permission
to make a mistake, to admit having messed up and still be okay It
builds in the forgiveness of self. In the same way, saying "I'm sorry"
and meaning it to your spouse is a very significant event. The more
you can imbue your relationship with the spirit of thanksgiving and
the graceful presence of praise, the more meaningful and fulfilling
your lives together will be.