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week Bahamas getaway.The following exercises will also help you
make turning toward each other an easy, natural part of your lives
together.

Exercise 1: Keep Emotional bank account

Keeping an account in your head of how much you're
connecting with your spouse emotionally in little ways can greatly
benefit your marriage. But for some couples the concept works best if
they make their emotional bank account "real."You can do this by
drawing a simple ledger and giving yourself one point each time
you've turned toward your spouse during the course of the day. You
probably wouldn't want to document every encouraging nod you
gave while your spouse was talking. But you would include entries
for such events as "Called J at work to see how meeting went" and
"Took his van to car wash."
Be careful not to turn this into a competition or a quid pro quo
where you track each other's account "balance" and keep tabs on who
has done what for whom. That approach defeats the purpose of this
exercise. The goal is to focus on what you can do to improve your
marriage--not on what your spouse should be doing but isn't. That
means, for example, trying to turn toward your spouse even when
you feel he or she is being difficult or hostile.
You can tally your daily or weekly balance by adding up your
deposits and subtracting any withdrawals ("Forgot to get film for M's
camera," "Was late getting home"). For this exercise to work it's
important to be ruthlessly honest with yourself when you are
negligent and turn away from your spouse. The more in the black
your account is, the more likely you are to see your marriage
improve. Don't be surprised if positive changes don't occur
overnight, however. If you've gotten out of the habit of turning
toward each other, it may take some time to see the benefits of this
exercise. One of the challenges is to notice when your partner does
turn toward you and vice versa. In one research study in which
couples were closely observed in their own homes, happily married
couples noticed almost all of the positive things the researchers