whom I am accountable.” Such a stance is pure folly, from which you
must rescue your child with all due haste.
The “How” of Spanking
(^) How do you go about giving a spanking? There are many
problems to avoid. You must avoid responding in anger. You must
avoid treating your child without proper respect for his person and
dignity. You must temper unwavering firmness with kindness and
gentleness. Remember that discipline is a rescue mission. You must
keep the spanking focused on issues of the heart.
(^) The following procedure can provide discipline that preserves the
child’s dignity:
(^) 1. Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken with
in privacy. Discipline must not rob a child of his dignity. You should
never discipline in front of the other children in the family; it is not a
spectator activity. The object is not to humiliate the child. You show
respect for him by giving him privacy.
(^) 2. Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do. Physical
discipline must be attached to specific, easily demonstrated issues. As
your child’s conceptual understanding grows, you may sometimes
correct for more general, attitudinal issues, but not with pre-school
children. Your spankings must always be issue-oriented. The
spanking should always address a specific attitude or incident. Never
spank just for “general purposes” or because you’ve “had it.”
(^) 3. Secure an acknowledgment from the child of what he has done.
This will often take some time. Many times children will want to
avoid the spanking badly enough to lie about what they have done.
(^) The conversation may go like this:
(^) Father: “Daddy told you that you should pick up your toys,
didn’t he?”
(^) Child: [child nodding] “Yes.”