can speak to your child in private.
(^) Being with others when your children are misbehaving is very
uncomfortable. You may feel under great social pressure to be
successful. You may fear that your relatives expect perfection. You
want to be a testimony to them. You want them to see that biblical
methods are bearing fruit. The temptation is strong to solve problems
through some compromise to avoid embarrassment. But, you may
never use your children to promote your convictions. The purpose of
discipline is not evangelism. The purpose of discipline is to shepherd
your children. Using them to showcase your beliefs abuses their
dignity and threatens the integrity of your relationship with them.
(^) When you feel pressure from observers, abandon the scene. Go to
a private place where you can respond to your child’s needs without
the pressure of public observation.
What If I Know My Child Is Lying to Me?
(^) When you feel your child is lying, a good first course is to secure
an honest response through discussion. If that fails (and it often will),
you need to move to general discussion of the importance of integrity.
Remind your child that God requires integrity; that all things are laid
bare before him, and that we will all finally give account in his court.
Discuss the benefits of integrity in your relationship. Help your child
see how he benefits from integrity.
(^) Sometimes, none of this will work. The child remains implacable.
What do you do? Do you call him a liar? Never! If you tell your
children that you don’t believe them, you will dishearten them. If they
become persuaded that you will never believe them, there is no reason
to talk or for future relationship. Refusing to call your children liars
and prizing your relationship with them encourages integrity. I have
been amazed at the degree of self-disclosure and even self-
incrimination my children have exhibited as a result of this.
(^) If your child will not come clean about what he has done, then he