will know what he ought to do even when you are not there.
The Change in Focus from Stage One
(^) In stage one the focus was obedience. You were concerned with
rooting out the native rebellion of your child’s heart. You were
concerned that he confront the natural tendency to resist authority.
Thus, you addressed defiance and called your child to submission to
the authority of God.
(^) Requiring obedience is good preparation, but it does not deal with
the issue you must address at this point. The discipline process
addresses defiant behavior. What you must address at this point is
behavior that is wrong, but not defiant.
(^) Selfishness, for example, is not defiant, but it is wrong. Your child
has not left the circle of blessing, but, within the circle, he has shown
a crass self-centeredness that is wicked and ugly. Another example
would be ridicule. The child can ridicule his brother without
necessarily becoming either disobedient or disrespectful to you. The
goal is to help him see the ugliness of such behavior.
(^) I recall coming home one day to see my children sprawled on the
floor playing a game while my wife ran about trying to do 1,000
simple tasks the children could have done. They were doing
something worthwhile. They were not engaged in rebellious behavior.
They had not disobeyed their mother, yet I was unhappy with the
selfish lack of concern for Mom’s busyness. I wanted to see the
character qualities of thankfulness for Mother’s work and willingness
to offer to share the work load with her. If you never address
character, you will never get beyond bare obedience.
A Common Sidetrack
(^) I have seen some parents try to solve this problem by making
more rules. It is a poor solution. Soon, family life becomes
encumbered with more rules than children or parents can remember,