let alone follow.
(^) I knew a family that had rules about how long you could use the
bathroom in the morning. There were rules about every detail of
getting ready for school—right down to the number of strokes of the
hairbrush! This may cause you to smile or maybe gasp, but it was an
honest attempt to govern family life without addressing character
issues. You see, in this family there were four girls and one bathroom.
It seemed more manageable to generate rules than to address
character issues of self-love, indifference to the needs of others, and
so forth.
(^) The problem with this approach, of course, is that it is impossible
to make rules comprehensive enough to anticipate every need for
direction. In addition, the adult mind is not clever enough to make
rules that the child’s mind cannot circumvent. More rules won’t
work!
(^) Imagine that you are riding along in your car. You son has a roll
of Lifesavers which he is devouring without offering to share with his
brother or sister. He is not being disobedient; he is not exhibiting
disrespectful behavior toward you. How can you address him?
(^) Addressing the child’s character places the emphasis on issues of
the heart. It enables you to get underneath behavior and address the
thoughts, motives, and purposes of the heart. For example, “Please
share your Lifesavers with your sister” is an issue of obedience. Even
a selfish person is capable of isolated instances of sharing. The
character issue runs much deeper. God calls for more than isolated
instances of sharing. God requires an attitude of heart that gives
freely with no thought of return. Addressing character issues gets
below the surface to shepherding your children’s hearts.
The Problem of Phariseeism
(^) The alternative to addressing character issues in your children is
to structure things around rules. You then produce children who learn