God’s grace and enablement. Nor can you make the more common
mistake. You cannot try to build good qualities of character within
him without reference to God. Many people conclude that if their
child is not a believer, they cannot urge him to his duty in light of
who God is.
(^) If you don’t call him to be what God has called him to be, you end
up giving him a standard of performance that is within the realm of
his native abilities apart from grace. It is a standard that does not
require knowing and trusting God. In other words, you either call your
children to be what they cannot be apart from grace, or you reduce the
standard, giving them one they can keep. If you do that, you reduce
their need for God accordingly.
(^) You must be willing to hold your child accountable to do those
tasks that have been given him to do. Teaching dependability is a
process, not an event. It comes through days of patient and consistent
rehearsing of the things outlined above. There may be times when this
instructional process is underscored with a spanking. But you must
commit yourself to patient instruction.
(^) I mentioned earlier that one of my sons went through a period of
raising pigs. The hydrant where he secured his water during the winter
was a couple hundred feet from the building that housed his pigs. Pigs
require a great deal of water. The water had to be carried because a
hose would freeze. Carrying this water was a major task each day. It
required an hour of carrying for an 11-year-old boy. He would
sometimes stumble and spill much of his load. We encouraged him
that this job was within his capacity, that it was his duty to take
proper care of his animals, and that God could help him to do this job
even though it was arduous.
(^) In the years since, I have had two conversations about this period
of my son’s life. One was with a neighbor who would watch him
struggling with his load and wanted to help him. This man thought at
the time that I had burdened my son too much. The other conversation