he responded as he did. What I said resonated with him. He made the
connections because he saw the pattern in himself when I drew it to
his attention. He didn’t fight it because he didn’t have to deal with my
anger or disapproval. It was easy (in comparison to the alternatives)
to respond to my direction.
Allowing Room for Disagreement
(^) In adult relationships, it is possible to disagree with each other
and remain friends. The same should be true in your relationships
with your children. They don’t have to agree with you on everything
in order to respect you.
(^) Sometimes, parents fail to distinguish between what is Scriptural
and what reflects their personal taste. In things such as dress,
hairstyle, and so forth, it is possible for honest people to disagree.
There are many areas in which you need to draw in the reins and give
clear direction to your teens. Don’t waste your influence on things
that don’t matter. That may mean they wear some bizarre costumes
from time to time. Don’t worry—people will forget and their faltering
and experimenting will settle in time. They needn’t be carbon copies
of you to be godly!
Beyond Internalization
(^) Even the internalization process is not the end. It simply opens the
way for the future development of your children. Remember, you
want to see them taking their place as autonomous individuals under
the Lord. That will involve the following:
(^) 1. Developing a Christian mind. Your children need to develop the
ability to think Christianly. They need to learn to dissect any area of
thought and subject it to biblical critique.
(^) Heather had a research paper to write. Her subject was child
abuse. She chose her sources, including some that espoused a
Christian perspective. When she had completed the paper, she brought