CHAPTER 6

The Me-We Connection

Integrating Self and Other

Ron and Sandy were fed up. Their seven-year-old, Colin, was a
good kid. He didn’t cause trouble at school, his friends and their
parents liked him, and he generally did what he was supposed to
do. But he was, in his parents’ words, “totally and incurably
selɹsh.” He always grabbed the last slice of pizza, even if he still
had some on his plate. He begged for a puppy, then showed no
interest in even playing with it, much less using the pooper
scooper. Even after growing out of his toys, he still refused to let
his younger brother play with them.
Ron and Sandy knew that a certain amount of egocentrism in
children is normal. And they didn’t want to change Colin’s
personality—they wanted to love him for who he was. But at times
it drove them crazy that he often seemed incapable of thinking
about other people. When it came to relational skills like empathy,
kindness, and consideration, Colin just seemed to be missing the
development of that circuit.
The breaking point came one day after school when Colin
disappeared into the bedroom he shared with his ɹve-year-old
brother, Logan. Ron was in the kitchen when he heard yelling from
the boys’ room. He went to investigate and discovered a distraught
Logan, furious with his big brother and crying over a pile of
artwork and trophies. Colin had decided to “redecorate” the room.
He had taken down all of Logan’s watercolor paintings and marker
drawings hanging on the walls and replaced them with his own
posters and baseball cards, which he’d taped in rows across the