We might wish we could somehow help our kids avoid all conɻict,
but we can’t. If they’re going to be in relationships, they’re going to
face quarrels and disagreements. We can, though, teach them some
basic mindsight skills so they’ll know how to manage conɻict in
healthy and productive ways, and respond when things don’t go
perfectly as they interact with others.
Once again, each new disagreement is more than just a diɽculty
to survive. It represents another opportunity for you to teach your
children important lessons so they can thrive, in this case
relationally. Handling conɻict well isn’t easy, even for adults, so
we can’t expect too much of our children. But there are some
simple skills we can teach them that will help us all survive
individual conɻicts, as well as help our children thrive as they
move toward adulthood. Let’s look at three of these mindsight-
building skills.
See Through the Other Person’s Eyes: Help Kids Recognize Other Points
of View
Does this scenario sound familiar? You’re working at your desk and
your seven-year-old daughter approaches. She’s clearly angry. She
announces that her younger brother, Mark, just called her stupid.
You ask why he might have said that, and your daughter is
adamant that there’s no reason—he just said it!
It can be diɽcult for any of us to see things from someone else’s
perspective. We see what we see, and often only what we want to
see. But the more we can use our mindsight to view events through
the eyes of another, the better chance we have of resolving conɻict
in a healthy manner.
That’s a tough skill to teach children, especially in the middle of
a heated argument. But if we ourselves can remain aware of what
we’re actually saying, we have a better chance of teaching the