The Whole-Brain Child

to pay attention to, and even honor, what was going on in her
right brain, since the right brain is more directly connected to
our bodily sensations and the input from lower parts of the
brain that combine together to create our emotions. In this
way, all of the imagery, sensations, and autobiographical
memories from the right are infused with emotion. When
we’re upset, it can feel safer to withdraw from this
unpredictable right-sided awareness and retreat into the more
predictable and controlled logical land of the left.
The key to helping Amanda was for me to attune to those
real feelings gently. I didn’t point out abruptly that she was
hiding, even from herself, how this important person in her
life had hurt her. Instead, I allowed myself to feel what she
was feeling, then tried to communicate from my right brain to
her right brain. Using my facial expressions and posture, I let
her know that I was really tuning in to her emotions. That
attunement helped her “feel felt”—to know that she was not
alone, that I was interested in what she was feeling inside,
not only what she was doing on the outside. Then, once we
had established this sense of connection between us, words
came more naturally for both of us, and we could begin to get
to the bottom of what was going on inside of her. By asking
her to tell the story about the ɹght with her best friend and
having her pause the story at diʃerent times to observe subtle
shifts in her feelings, I was able to reintroduce Amanda to her
real emotions and to help her deal with them in a productive
way. This is how I tried to connect with both her right brain
with its feelings, bodily sensations, and images and with her
left brain, with its words and ability to tell the linear story of
her experience. When we see how this happens in the brain,
we can understand how linking the two sides to each other
can completely change the outcome of an interaction.