The Whole-Brain Child

left. She could redirect him by logically explaining how hard she
works to be fair, by promising to leave a note while he slept, and
by strategizing with him about his next birthday and about how to
make homework more fun. (They did some of this that night, but
most of it came the following day.)
Once she had connected with him right brain to right brain, it
was much easier to connect left to left and deal with the issues in a
rational manner. By ɹrst connecting with his right brain, she could
then redirect with the left brain through logical explanation and
planning, which required that his left hemisphere join the
conversation. This approach allowed him to use both sides of his
brain in an integrated, coordinated way.
We’re not saying that “connect and redirect” will always do the
trick. After all, there are times when a child is simply past the
point of no return and the emotional waves just need to crash until
the storm passes. Or the child may simply need to eat or get some
sleep. Like Tina, you might decide to wait until your child is in a
more integrated state of mind to talk logically with him about his
feelings and behaviors.
We’re also not recommending permissiveness or letting your
boundaries slide simply because a child isn’t thinking logically.
Rules about respect and behavior aren’t thrown out the window
simply because a child’s left hemisphere is disengaged. For
example, whatever behavior is inappropriate in your family—being
disrespectful, hurting someone, throwing things—should remain
oʃ-limits even in moments of high emotion. You may need to stop
destructive behavior and remove your child from the situation
before you begin to connect and redirect. But with the whole-brain
approach, we understand that it’s generally a good idea to discuss
misbehavior and its consequences after the child has calmed down,
since moments of emotional ɻooding are not the best times for
lessons to be learned. A child can be much more receptive once the