The Whole-Brain Child

together so she could make sense of what had happened. When she
talked through the moment the water had started spilling on the
ɻoor and how she’d felt worried and afraid, her two hemispheres
were working together in an integrated way. She engaged her left
brain by putting the details in order and the experience into words,
and then brought in her right brain by revisiting the emotions she
felt. In this way, Doug helped his daughter name her fears and
emotions so that she could then tame them.
There may be times when our kids won’t want to tell the story
when we ask them to. We need to respect their desires about how
and when to talk—especially because pressuring them to share will
only backɹre. (Think about the times you prefer solitude and don’t
feel like talking—does prodding ever entice you to talk and share
your inner feelings?) Instead, we can gently encourage them by
beginning the story and asking them to ɹll in the details, and if
they’re not interested, we can give them space and talk later.
Your child is more likely to be responsive if you are strategic
about when you initiate this type of conversation. Make sure you
are both in a good frame of mind. Seasoned parents and child
therapists will also tell you that some of the best conversations
with children take place while something else is happening.
Children are much more apt to share and talk while building
something, playing cards, or riding in the car than when you sit
down and look them right in the face and ask them to open up.
Another approach you can take if your child doesn’t feel like
talking is to ask her to draw a picture of the event or, if she’s old
enough, write about it. If you sense that she is reluctant to talk to
you, encourage her to talk to someone else—a friend, another
adult, or even a sibling who will be a good listener.
Parents know how powerful storytelling can be when it comes to
distracting their kids or calming them down, but most people don’t
realize the science behind this powerful force. The right side of our