originate downstairs—before using the upstairs to decide on a
course of action. Once again, then, integration allows for a free
ɻow between the lower and higher parts of our brain. It helps
build the stairway, so that all the diʃerent parts of our brain can
be coordinated and work together as a whole.
THE UNFINISHED UPSTAIRS: SETTING APPROPRIATE EXPECTATIONS FOR YOUR KIDS
Even though we will want to help build this metaphorical staircase
in our child’s brain, there are two important reasons to maintain
realistic expectations when it comes to integration. The ɹrst is
developmental: while the downstairs brain is well developed even
at birth, the upstairs brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches
his mid-twenties. In fact, it’s one of the last parts of the brain to
develop. The upstairs brain remains under massive construction for
the ɹrst few years of life, then during the teen years undergoes an
extensive remodel that lasts into adulthood.
Just imagine the downstairs of a house that is complete and fully
furnished, but when you look up at the second ɻoor, you see that it
is unɹnished and littered with construction tools. You can even see
patches of the sky where the roof hasn’t been completed yet. That’s
your child’s upstairs brain—a work in progress.
This is really important information for parents to understand,
because it means that all of the abilities on the list above—the
behaviors and skills we want and expect our kids to demonstrate,
like sound decision making, control of their emotions and bodies,
empathy, self-understanding, and morality—are dependent on a
part of their brain that hasn’t fully developed yet. Since the
upstairs brain is still under construction, it isn’t capable of fully
functioning all the time, meaning that it can’t be integrated with
the downstairs brain and consistently work at its best. As a result,