The Conscious Parent

events around us. The sad byproduct of this is that our children are left
feeling they are the cause of our moods, which results in guilt and can
lead to a sense of worthlessness. From this place, they then react back at
us. It’s crucial to recognize that the seeds of this equation lie in the
initial judgment we make in response to their behavior.
Our children don’t intend to trigger us; they are just being who they
are. Being triggered is an inevitable part of any relationship, so there’s
no room for blaming ourselves or anyone else. However, we are
responsible for examining our unconscious reactions so that we can
curtail them. The reason we enter a state of blinding unconsciousness is
that we have an unresolved emotional charge, which emerges in response
to our children simply being children.
Being triggered is intimately connected to the life scripts we act out
and the roles we play. For instance, perhaps we tell ourselves, “I deserve
more respect.” If we interpret our children’s behavior as lacking respect,
it’s an indication we have a grandiose sense of entitlement. For someone
to show us insufficient respect automatically triggers our narcissistic
indignation. We tell ourselves, “I’m better than this. How dare this
person behave like this toward me?”
If only we understood the power of our interpretations.
Just how distorted our view of things can be can be seen in the case of
a beautiful young woman who was estranged from her family for over
fifteen years. When the family finally decided to hold a reunion, the
night before the reunion the young woman had a vivid dream in which
she was watching her family engage in a duel, which naturally paralyzed
her with fear. As the duel proceeded, she edged closer. Suddenly, she