The Conscious Parent

on our children, hovering over them, or needing to know everything
about their world, we communicate a sense of uncertainty, which
undermines their basic trust in themselves. The less we check in on them
in an anxious manner, the more we communicate the message that we
don’t need to check in with them all the time because we know they are
fully capable of taking care of themselves and will ask for help when
they need it.
When we make decisions for our children without giving them the
chance to chart their own course, we communicate to them our own
powerfulness and their helplessness, which fosters a distrust of
themselves. If, instead, we solicit their ideas and show respect for these
ideas, even if we can’t always incorporate them into our plans, we
communicate a deep reverence for their ability to contribute to the
discussion at hand. Our children can sense when we have a true, deep
respect for their opinions and choices. It’s vital we recognize that,
though they may only be little, they have a valid opinion that we respect
and always take into consideration. As our children see that their
presence is both meaningful and important to us, they learn to trust their
inner voice.
We promote trust whenever we encourage our children to speak up and
be heard. They learn to trust themselves as we tell them, “I admire the
way you put your thoughts together,” and assure them, “I trust you to do
the right thing.” Should they happen to make an unwise choice, we don’t
allow this to cause us to indicate a lack of trust in them, but simply tell
them in a matter of fact manner, “You made this decision and now you
are learning from it.” Lack of trust doesn’t enter the equation.