The Conscious Parent

from a neutral state. After all, reality is neutral, allowing us to interpret
it any way we choose.
As we focus on our breath, we ask ourselves, “What about reality’s as-
is-ness am I unwilling to accept and surrender to?” When we check our
internal thermometer before we act, we empower ourselves to come from
a conscious place. We allow reality to unfold because we no longer
experience a pressing urge to impose our “I” onto it. In such a state, we
are free simply to experience.
When we cannot deal with life in its as is form, we are likely to
engage either in behavior that harms others, such as control or anger,
or in self-defeating behavior such as overeating, overworking,
overexercising, drinking too much, self-medicating, or using illicit
drugs, while we wait for things to reach their “should be” form.
By learning to respond to life as it is, the most ordinary of moments
become teaching tools that show our children how they can detach from
the force of their own willful ego. For instance, if we break an egg by
mistake, we say, “Ah, the egg broke. I realize I wasn’t paying attention.”
If we are sitting in traffic, instead of complaining, we say, “This happens
sometimes and we have no control over it. So let’s enjoy the time by
playing a game, singing a song, or just resting.” In this way, our children
learn not to feel threatened by the downturns of life. They discover that
not only is it possible to sit in this space without feeling anxious or
emotionally reactive, but it can also be an enjoyable place to be.
Having said this, I want to be clear—as I emphasized earlier— that
I’m not talking about approaching life in an “I’m so happy” manner,
which isn’t at all the same as being real. I’m talking about accepting that