The Conscious Parent

a situation is what it is. We then discover how we can best use the
situation for everyone’s benefit. The fact is that sometimes life presents
us with unfair situations.
A case in point is the day I took my three-year-old to the doctor’s
office for an appointment scheduled for 7:30 AM. When we had to wait
two and a half hours before the doctor saw us—a long time for a three-
year-old—I spoke up. The doctor apologized profusely and promised he
would ensure this wouldn’t happen again. It was beneficial for my
daughter to observe me speaking from a feeling place.
To respond from a neutral state of mind doesn’t necessarily mean our
response is neutral. Rather, our response has an as is quality that’s
tailored to an as is situation, untainted by heavy-duty past conditioning.
For this reason, it’s easy to let the matter go once we have truly resolved
our emotions in the here and now.
How can we differentiate between when it’s appropriate to speak up
and when it isn’t? The difference lies in the place from which we are
coming. Are we coming from an unconscious egoic state, so that we
impose our past conditioning onto our present reality? Or are we making
an authentic present-moment response that’s fitting for the situation
before us?
My comments to the doctor weren’t based on an unconscious past, but
on a situation that crossed the boundaries of propriety and fairness. I was
honoring my limits. Because I wasn’t blindly triggered based on my past,
I was able to speak softly yet firmly. I neither felt personally injured nor
had an urge to hurt the other. After I had expressed my feelings, I was
able to let the matter go. When we either experience a compulsion to