as far as I can from the circumstances of my childhood, yet I still hurt as
if I were five. Inside, I’m still that little girl. Doesn’t this pain ever go
away?”
The sad fact is that no matter how much our external world may
change, the pain of childhood lingers in our heart, as it did for Samantha,
until we heal our internal landscape. No matter that we own jewels, earn
degrees, or are worshiped by a spouse, nothing can compensate for the
yearning of a child who seeks nothing more than unconditional
acceptance from its parents.
Most of us are grown children who weren’t “met” for the individuals
we are. For instance, if we grew up with parents who were disconnected
from their authenticity, when we looked up into our mother’s or father’s
face hoping to see our own essence mirrored back, all we received was
either a blank stare or an emotional response that had nothing to do with
us. Because we didn’t see a reflection of our authentic self in the eyes of
our caregivers, we learned to feel less than we really are.
There are a variety of ways in which parents who parent from their
wounded psyche, with its tortured thoughts and turbulent emotions, mark
their children for life. It’s helpful to examine some of the more common
effects of such parenting.IF YOU GREW UP FEELING YOU WEREN’T GOOD
ENOUGH
Jonathan, now in his forties, is a person who missed out on the validation
he needed to receive as a child. The result is that, despite the fact he’s
smart and articulate, he can’t hold a job longer than a year. Though he has