The Conscious Parent

dabbled in professions ranging from corporate positions to private
businesses and teaching children, nothing proves satisfying. In every
work situation, he manages to find an enemy who turns against him,
leading to his departure. He’s now at a dead-end because no one wants to
risk hiring a man whose resume reveals so much instability.
Drowning in pain, Jonathan drinks to excess, chain smokes, fights with
his wife, and is abusive to his children. “He’s going to hurt himself, I
know it,” his wife told me on the phone. “He not only doesn’t trust
anyone, but he’s alienating himself from me and the kids. He feels as
though the world has shut its doors on him.”
Were Jonathan to look within himself, he would discover that it’s he
who shuts people and opportunities out, all because he has felt
unwelcome in the world as far back as he can remember. Just as
Samantha saw life as untrustworthy, Jonathan’s take on life is that it’s
cruel and unfair. He feels this way because not once has he stopped to
examine his expectations, which are based on his own dark fears of
betrayal. Expecting to be betrayed, he repeatedly sets himself up for this.
Based on his inflated sense of entitlement and grandiosity, he imposes
unattainable standards on the people in his life. Since these standards can
never be met, he rejects opportunities that come his way. Thus the cycle
of disappointment continues. Such an approach comes from the
emptiness he feels inside. Because he experiences an internal void, all he
can focus on is what he’s getting or not getting, not what he’s capable of
giving.
When we grow up feeling we aren’t good enough, we displace this
feeling of inadequacy onto the world around us. We do this by creating a