The Conscious Parent

coddled and praised beyond what was appropriate. Or perhaps we felt as
if we were our parents’ puppet, here to fulfill their ego needs rather than
meet our own needs.
Natasha is an example of someone who displaces her desire to feel
self-worth onto her surroundings. Accustomed to living in a beautiful
mansion in a coveted neighborhood, for years she prided herself on the
clothes she wore, the jewels she possessed, the friends she kept, and the
cars she drove. Then her husband lost his job. Within a year, they had to
move into the home of Natasha’s in-laws— a situation Natasha deemed
beneath her. Natasha became emotionally undone, so depressed that she
was unable to be present for her children. Deciding that what had
happened was a “horrible” thing, she projected her insecurity onto her
husband, belittling him for his inability to maintain his job.
What Natasha was going through was admittedly difficult, but it was
nowhere near as cataclysmic as she was making it out to be. Though her
new situation wasn’t what she had been accustomed to, she still enjoyed
a decent, safe, steady life. Only her attachment to her ego kept her from
seeing this.
So convincing was she of how awful her situation was, she created a
loyal following. Her husband became depressed, her children began
doing poorly at school, and her health began to suffer. Now the situation
really nosedived, as her husband stopped looking for work and they had
to pull their son out of school because he was failing in every subject.
The entire household had become invested in Natasha’s misery.
“Tell me how I am supposed to react to such pain?” she demanded of
me. “Should I jump around? Throw a party? Tell the universe I love this