The Conscious Parent

they take on the role of a martyr, leaving their children feeling guilty for
doing nothing more than attempting to be themselves. Let me tell you
about Martha, who grew up as one of eight siblings and learned early that
her parents’ attention was divided among many.
Feeling shortchanged, she figured that if she wanted more of her
parents’ attention, she needed to be special in some way. Consequently,
at times she tried to play the part of a diva, acting dramatically, coming
across as louder than her siblings, even appearing brighter. At other
times she took on the role of a hypochondriac, claiming aches and pains.
No matter how hard she tried, the painful reality was that her parents
only had so much attention to give their eight children.
Always feeling wronged in some way or other, Martha grew up to be a
woman with many grievances. Marrying a man who was more interested
in making money than he was in her, she found herself left to raise her
son on her own when her husband turned out to be a philanderer. With no
other receptacle for her emotions, her son Nate became the center of her
universe. Seeing him as the one who would make her feel all the
specialness she had longed to feel, she nurtured his wishes, grooming
him to become the man she wished she had married.
Nate’s friends envied all the attention his mother showered on him,
little realizing that he felt anything but lucky because of the
unimaginable sense of pressure he lived under. Expected to be the man
his mother couldn’t find either in her own father or in her husband, he
felt guilty every time he thought of breaking free from his mother’s
clutches and claiming his own life.
Martha played her role of martyr to the hilt. Anytime Nate disagreed