W

CHAPTER 12

The Wonder of the Ordinary

e   all want    our children    to  be  special because this    makes   us

feel    special.    But at  what    cost    to  our children?

So  anxious are some    of  us  to  raise   the next    Einstein,

Michael Phelps, or  Julia   Roberts that    we  push    our children    to  excel   at

some    activity    or  other.  We  want    them    to  be  not just    good    at  something,

but great   at  something.  We  all know    the surge   of  pride   we  feel    when    we

announce    to  the world   that    our child   is  an  “A” student,    a   star    swimmer,    a

prized  actor,  a   brilliant   tennis  player, or  has been    “accepted   to  Harvard.”

Especially  when    they    are young,  our children    are attuned to  this    and push

themselves  to  quench  our ego’s   thirst.

One reason  we  are so  hungry  for our children    to  be  a   success is  that    we

tend    to  seek    validation  through them.   We  measure them    against their

peers.  Are they    doing   better  or  worse   than    our friends’    children?   Are

they    better  or  worse   readers,    better  or  worse   writers,    better  or  worse   on

the sports  field   or  the court?  We  are impatient   to  maximize    our

children’s  potential.

Although    our children    are born    with    none    of  these   worldly concerns,

they    learn   early   that    they    are part    of  a   competitive world   that’s  sharply

divided between the performers  and non-performers. They    learn   that    they

are measured    by  criteria    external    to  themselves: grades, teachers’

remarks,    how they    are seen    by  their   peers.

Unfortunately,  they    also    learn   about   labels: ADD,    PDD,    learning