disabled, bipolar disorder—and, at the other end of the spectrum, gifted
and talented. They learn that their behavior is constantly under scrutiny.
Should they fall short of some socially accepted criteria, they find
themselves subject to humiliation.
When we teach our children that their success in life is dependent on
their performance, childhood becomes geared toward the future instead
of being experienced simply as childhood. Children learn that who they
are, as they are, isn’t enough in the adult world. Little wonder that
childhood is shrinking, so that even eight-yearolds are now being labeled
bipolar, while fourteen-year-olds are experiencing eating disorders,
attempting suicide, or becoming parents themselves.
I see anxiety all around me. Almost everyone is rushing toward the
future. There is little presence, little time to savor the extraordinary in
the ordinary.DO YOU REVEL IN YOUR CHILD’S ORDINARINESS?
A parent who was denied the experience of ordinariness during childhood
will be unable to tolerate their child’s ordinariness. The child will grow
up under pressure to always be extraordinary, which will come at the cost
of authenticity. Instead of putting all this pressure on them, can we enjoy
our child’s ordinariness? Can we find specialness in their ordinary state?
Parents say to me, “But we want to expose our children to the best of
everything. What’s wrong with that? Why shouldn’t we send them to
ballet and tennis and swimming classes?” I’m not advocating that
parents restrict a child’s desire to explore. To encourage exploration is a
way of honoring a child’s being. I’m stressing the importance of helping