The Conscious Parent

because mistakes are a natural part of learning how to be our authentic
self. To not take mistakes personally is to recognize that behind every
mistake is a good intention, though sometimes this intention doesn’t
readily present itself. As parents, we need to search beneath the
superficial mistake and uncover the original good intention of our
children. This encourages them to have faith in their innate goodness.
When we focus on a bad outcome instead of on a good intention, our
children lose their enthusiasm for trying.
Suppose our child left the oven on after baking a cake. Do we focus on
the good intention of wanting to bake? If our child burns the toast, can
we help them laugh at themselves and, in an unflustered manner, try
again? If they crashed our car while shopping for groceries, can we
recognize they had the right intention by going shopping in the first
place? If they forgot the last section of an exam, do we acknowledge that
they were so keen to do a good job that they rushed? When we show faith
in our children’s well-placed intent, we demonstrate we don’t judge them
for what they do.
One of the reasons children fear their mistakes is that when we
admonish them, we unknowingly strip them of their sense of
competence. We disempower them to such an extent that they become
afraid of doing anything that could possibly result in such a mistake
again. If they burned a cake and almost the house, they are likely to feel
inept to the point they are afraid to try baking again. If they lost their cell
phone, they may feel so guilty that they conclude they shouldn’t be
trusted with a phone.