The Conscious Parent

does, the mother praises her for her ability to respect the need to keep the
house tidy so that everyone can enjoy it without tripping over other
people’s items.
Now let’s move on to the case of a father who asks his son to turn off
the television and do his homework but finds himself ignored. The
father’s response is to yell. This proves ineffective, as the boy still does
nothing. Even when the father calls his son names, he is ignored.
Eventually the father gives up, exasperated.
Let’s rewrite this scene. When the boy doesn’t pay heed to his father,
he is told that the next time he’s asked, the television needs to be turned
off. When the boy still pays no heed, the father enters his space, takes the
remote, and calmly—not angrily—shuts the set off himself. He then
holds onto the remote, explaining to his son that he will be trusted with it
again when he demonstrates he can follow the guidelines. No amount of
whining or pleading gets the television back that evening. The following
evening, the boy asks for the remote and, after again clearly
communicating his expectations, the father hands it to him. Because
there’s no battle over the television that evening, the father praises his
son for changing his behavior.
Two children are at the table, busy painting. Their mother asks them to
clean the table after they are done painting, then leaves the room. The
children ignore their mother’s instructions, but the mother does nothing
about it. Instead, the maid cleans up after them. What needs to happen is
that the mother remains in the room when her children don’t do as she
asks. She takes their paint away and tells them to clean up, after which
she praises them.