The Conscious Parent

The daughter, who is six years old, draws a pretty picture and runs to
show it to her mother. Her mother is too busy on the phone and ignores
her. The daughter then paints a bigger, prettier picture. Her mother
shushes her away. The girl hits her brother, whereupon her mother yells,
“You’re a bad girl!”
At this point, instead of yelling and shaming, the mother could call her
daughter to her and explain how being hit must feel to her brother.
Instead of blowing her daughter’s behavior out of proportion, she simply
requires the little girl to make peace with her brother.
Ideally, the mother would trace the dynamic all the way back to when
her daughter unsuccessfully sought her attention. It would have been
much better if, when the six-year-old came to her mother in the first
place, the mother had taken a moment to acknowledge her daughter,
praising her not only for her ability to draw, but also for being so able to
take care of herself and find something interesting to do while mommy
was on the phone. The daughter would then have felt emotionally met.
An eight-year-old is alone at home every day after school. When his
parents return, they are busy with tasks such as office work and
housework. Consequently, the boy is lonely. When he starts to play with
matches, no one notices. He wonders if they even care. Even when he
makes a bonfire in his room, no one comes. When he makes a bonfire at
school, he is suspended. His parents’ response? They ground him for
three months.
When the boy is suspended from his school for lighting the bonfire, his
parents would be wise to take this as a red flag. They might seek
counseling to understand that their son is screaming for attention. Then