The Conscious Parent

To parent consciously, we have to become astute observers of our own
behavior when we are with our children. In this way we can begin to be
aware of our unconscious scripts and emotional imprints as they arise in
the moment.
As we seek to be conscious in the way we interact with our children,
we may feel we repeat the same patterns of behavior despite our best
intentions. When this happens again and again, we wonder whether our
unconsciousness will ever end. It can be discouraging. The fact is that a
conscious parent doesn’t emerge overnight. To raise children
consciously is both a daily and lifelong practice of becoming vigilant
witnesses of our own unconsciousness. Each time we become aware of
an element of unconscious behavior, however small it may be, an
energetic shift occurs. As we catch ourselves in an unconscious moment
and are able to detach from it, we expand our consciousness.
Clarity of mind and spirit don’t come without a price. We all have
generations of unconscious material to integrate. Unconsciousness by its
nature will not—indeed, cannot—be stifled. No matter what our
consciousness wills, our unconsciousness has its own rhythm. It will leak
into our habits, thoughts, emotions, and presence without our even
realizing. Only by witnessing our unconsciousness as our children reflect
it back to us are we able to integrate it.
In concluding this chapter, I want to be sure that it’s clear in our minds
that consciousness and unconsciousness aren’t polarities, aren’t at two
ends of a spectrum. Unconsciousness isn’t our enemy. On the contrary, it
provides the platform on which consciousness arises if we are willing to
allow it to do so.