treatment from his peers, his parents sought not to take away his pain,
but to help him sit with it.
As Jake grew older, John and Alexis purposefully created a community
of friends that included both gay and straight. They wanted him to know
that, if and when he was ready to disclose his gayness, there would be a
circle of accepting individuals around him. Accordingly, when he was
well into his teens, the day came when he revealed his sexuality to them.
Without saying a word, they opened their arms wide. Because they had
accepted their son in his as is form right from the start, he had been able
to nurture his authentic self without condition, judgment, or guilt. The
entire family celebrated his life for what it was.
Here was a family who didn’t need their son to enact their fantasies or
fulfill their dreams. They didn’t use their son to heal their own
unresolved wounds or to bolster their ego. Who he was in his essence
was clearly different from them. The ability to create spaciousness
between ourselves and our children helps foster the greatest
togetherness.DON’T PARENT WITH A COOKIE-CUTTER
APPROACH
When you are able to respect the unfolding of your child’s particular
journey, you teach them to nurture their own inner voice and
simultaneously honor the voice of others. This fosters their ability to
engage in relationships in a manner that reflects a healthy
interdependence. Because each individual’s path emerges in its own
unique way, no longer is there a toxic dependence on the other. This