them to provide ourselves with a sense of worth, and use them to
magnify our illusion of our influence in the world.
We find it hard to believe that many of us became a parent, at least in
part, to fulfill our own longing. Unless we realize how strongly our ego
drives us and gradually free ourselves from our identification with it, we
will parent our children from this false state, which will render us unable
to connect with their core self.HOW DOES EGO FUNCTION?
We have seen that our ego is a blind attachment to the image we have of
ourselves, the picture of ourselves we carry around in our head. Our
entire way of thinking, emoting, and acting is rooted in this self-image.
To gain a better understanding of the ego, recall how I noted earlier that
when I suggest to parents they must change if their children’s behavior is
to improve, they insist I’m mistaken. They then present various
explanations for why their relationship with their children is as it is.
We find it difficult to sit with the knowledge there may be a piece of
us that contributed to whatever negativity we are experiencing in our
life, preferring to place responsibility for our situation on factors in the
world around us. When all we know ourselves to be is the image we have
of ourselves, the idea of having to change threatens our identity, which is
why we vigorously defend ourselves and vainly hope that the others in
our life will be the ones to change.
Ego is in operation anytime we find ourselves attached to a thought
pattern or belief system. We often don’t even recognize we are attached
until we are triggered on an emotional level. However, whenever anger,