The Conscious Parent

we never embark on the true adventure of life, instead playing it safe,
well within the box. Of course, because we are “in control,” in school we
are recognized by our teachers as little angels, a tag that comes at the
cost of authenticity.
With this egoic imprint, our tendency is to view power and control as a
means of security. Because we have bought into the belief that life is
divided into those who wield power, often by virtue of their greater age
or knowledge, and those who are powerless, we tell ourselves, “I must at
all times be ‘together’ and in control of my emotions. I must always be
logical, pragmatic, and ‘in the know.’” Children who grow up with such
a worldview become adults who are unable to access their inner
empowerment. As parents, they are likely to unleash their need for
control particularly on those who are disenfranchised, such as when
parenting their own children or as teachers in school. They become
adults who are unable to tolerate any disrespect for their status, using
their role to foster inhibition in others.
Rarely have I witnessed a more contentious relationship than that of
Christopher and his seventeen-year-old stepson Jaden. Jaden was
distraught because of his parents’ separation and quite naturally
transferred his angst onto his new stepfather. Christopher interpreted
Jaden’s rejection of him on a deeply personal level. Christopher couldn’t
bear that he wasn’t treated as the head of the household and demanded
Jaden respect him, becoming enraged when he didn’t receive the respect
he asked for. Unable to find it within himself to step into Jaden’s shoes
and see things from his perspective, he couldn’t handle Jaden’s
emotional rejection of him.