how we embrace them each morning, how we react when they break our
favorite vase, how we handle ourselves in a traffic accident, how we sit
and talk to them, whether we really look at what they show us, and
whether we take an interest in what they say. They notice when we
intrude on their life with unwarranted questions and demands, and they
feel it when we withdraw from them or utter reprimands. They are
moved by how we praise their success, but wounded when we put them
down for their failures. They are aware of how it feels to be in our
presence when we sit in silence with them, and of the energy field of
acceptance or rejection they experience around us. Each of these
moment-by-moment exchanges transmits either consciousness or
unconsciousness.
How can you give to your children unless you first allow yourself to be
filled from your own well? Unless you are fulfilled, you will use your
children to complete you. You will teach them how to live with your
unacknowledged fears, your rejected emptiness, your forgotten lies—all
the while unaware you are doing so. Such is the power of
unacknowledged lostness.FACE UP TO YOUR REACTIVITY
Through our children, we get orchestra seats to the complex theatrics of
our immaturity, as they evoke powerful emotions in us that can cause us
to feel as though we aren’t in control—with all the frustration, insecurity,
and angst that accompanies this sensation.
Of course, our children don’t “make” us feel this way. They merely
awaken our unresolved emotional issues from our childhood.