The Conscious Parent

them to where we want them to be.
Do you see the simplicity of embracing the as is of parenting? Even if
your children are in pain, distress, or pitching a fit, can you accept this
state as natural and therefore whole? Can you recognize the
completeness of it, just as it is? Once you have accepted your children’s
as is state, even when this means their tantrums, with your acceptance
there arises a pause. From this pause emerges an understanding of how to
respond, rather than react.
Growing up with explosive, pouting, distancing, or otherwise
emotionally manipulative parents, a child learns that life is to be dueled
with. Situations are to be “managed,” brought to heel by unleashing our
emotions. Our watchwords become, “How dare you?” “How dare it?” and
“How dare they?”
People who sport such an emotional style carry a heavy sense of
entitlement, which causes them to repeatedly tell themselves such things
as, “I deserve better.” Believing that life owes them only pleasurable
experiences, they attempt to avoid pain at all costs. When life doesn’t
comply, they are quick to blame someone else, declaring, “It’s all their
fault.” They then assure themselves, “I have a right to be upset!”
When the children of parents with this imprint become parents, they
are likely to react angrily to their own children. If a child deviates from
the parents’ plan for it, marching to its own rhythm instead of abiding by
its parents’ decrees, the parent may resort to outrage in order to control
the child. Children brought up this way learn fear, not respect. They
believe that the only way to effect change is through overpowering
others, which leads to raising their own children to one day become