at 5:00, no Jordan. When I went at 10:00, I waited three minutes
and then started to drive away. As I was pulling off, out of the
shadows ran Jordan. He was waving his arms wildly over his
head shouting in the night, “Here I am, here I am! Don’t leave
me!” I think that little episode had a definite beneficial effect,
and although Jordan had been chronically late for his parents,
he never was late for us.Imposing Consequences
While naturally occurring consequences are best, occasionally our
children’s actions don’t lend themselves to such consequences. In those
cases, we must impose the consequences ourselves.
The art of arranging consequences comes naturally to some parents,
while others must gain this type of expertise through practice. Often
parents choose to impose consequences that are irrelevant or, if relevant,
the consequences are either too harsh or too lenient.
When no consequences occur naturally, the imposed consequences
must (1) be enforceable, (2) fit the “crime,” and (3) be laid down firmly
in love. Sometimes these imposed consequences look conspicuously like
punishments. But when imposed without anger and threats, and when
presented to our children in a way that the connection between their
misbehavior and the consequences is made plain, they are quite effective.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 24
Empathy, Not AngerLetting the consequences do the teaching isn’t enough. We as
parents must show our empathy — our sincere, loving concern —
when the consequences hit. That’s what drives the lesson home with
our children without making them feel as though we’re not “on their
side.” Consider the following examples: